Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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