3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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