but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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