p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
