He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dear god my vagina.
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