I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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