i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
