dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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