ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
