I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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