omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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