Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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