You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
