My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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