We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
