Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
