After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
