My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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