I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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