i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
