i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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