I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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