So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
