glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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