if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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