Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
