Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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