I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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