We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
