Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize