I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize