based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
