My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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