dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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