$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
