Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
