so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
