well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
