Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
