Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
false alarm, still single
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
