I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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