I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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