FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do vagina's smell?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
