whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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