mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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