I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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