I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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