I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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