im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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