Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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