I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
