You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
