walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
