Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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