??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
