I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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