His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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