Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
