just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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