and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had sex on a roof
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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