I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
