She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The Olympian is in my bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
