Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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