I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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