she was so not down for the gang bang
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
