soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
